Clergy Killers, Moral Injury, Soul Wounds

When I was a chaplain in the fire service, part of my training was in Critical Incident Stress Debriefing for first responders. In short: when a critical incident takes place, you do an initial “hotwash” (think summary/critique) around what happened, and then around 2-3 days after that you do a more formal debriefing for folks directly involved in the incident: what happened, what went well, what didn’t, what communication errors happened, what shortcomings have we realized about ourselves and our agency, and what do we change for the future.  It doesn’t seek to assign blame, but seeks to change the culture and its shortcomings, whether they be attitudes or standard operating procedures/guidelines. 

In the midst of those things, chiefs/captains/supervisors keep an eye on those under their charge and watch out for things like depression, suicidal ideation, sick or personal leave, changes in personality, etc. All this is known as “The Mitchell Method,” named after the psychologist (Jeffrey Mitchell, Ph.D) who developed it primarily for firefighters, law enforcement, and EMS personnel but it was later adopted by the military and for airlines and the railroad. 

 

Per Mitchell, there are three objectives to CISD: 1) mitigation of the impact of a traumatic incident, 2) facilitation of the normal recovery processes and a restoration of adaptive functions in psychologically healthy people who are distressed by an unusually disturbing event, and 3) to function as a screening opportunity to identify group members who might benefit from additional support services or a referral for professional care. Study after study shows how effective the Mitchell Method and CISD’s work to mitigate folks going through depression and disorder after a terrible incident. I’ve helped perform several CISD’s and went through one myself after a tornado in 1999. They work.

 

When trauma and stress have been more repetitive and over a longer period of time, the task becomes more difficult. Service personnel who have been in war zones, in prolonged military conflict, or serving during wartime usually experience an initial “peace zone” that occurs for a short period of time when such is over – mainly out of relief and change of venue - where one has few symptoms of trauma fatigue. But they can emerge later and be severe.

 

While I had worked and suffered thru a few natural disasters (tornados and floods) and lethal incidents (house fires, auto accidents, or shooting victims), I’d never been involved in a long-term conflict or trauma, until recently. 

 

I served a particularly (and historically) difficult pastoral appointment. When I was a district superintendent I had been taught how to identify the signs for “clergy killer” churches and “congregation killer” pastors. Both exist and are not just silly names for problem folks but are readily identifiable from peer-reviewed research, observation, and experience. From the introduction of Lloyd Reidger’s 1996 book Clergy Killers: “We are not just talking about conflict anymore, we are talking about emotional and spiritual abuse of traumatic proportions. And we are discovering that such abuse is exhausting pastors and draining the energy and resources of congregations and denominational programs. This is a prophetic warning, for it warns of an ancient mistake—killing the prophets—that is a forerunner to tribal and national disaster. The record of human history shows that the tribe that kills its shaman loses its soul.”

 

To be sure, I signed on the dotted line many years ago to willingly be appointed as a pastor “without reserve” by the resident bishop to any church as needed. While I prepared myself to know that some appointments would be difficult ones, I was not prepared for how difficult it could be. 

 

Part of the difficulty lies in the job description for pastors. Here is the official job description for United Methodist pastors (it’s the same whether one is licensed or ordained, course-of-study graduate or seminary graduate), per ¶340 of the Book of Discipline: “Responsibilities and Duties of Elders and Local Pastors.” 

 

An impossible job description, made by committee action at numerous General Conferences and continually amended over 100-some years, sets up pastors for failure. Just about any pastor could be brought up on charges for not fulfilling all of those expectations, and the only thing that saves any of us from facing church charges is the reality that, if enforced, there would be no pastoral leadership left in the denomination. It’s akin to one of the Historic Questions we ask those about to be ordained: “Are you so in debt as to embarrass you in your ministry?” We either ask people (a) to lie, or (b) permit them to ask, “Can you define ‘embarrass’?”

 

It was not until a couple of months being into new pastoral appointment that I realized I had previously endured severe trauma and conflict, far beyond the ordinary. I suppose enough time had passed, and one night I was sitting in the living room of the parsonage in relative silence and experienced exactly what a friend of mine, Larry, a former Navy captain and pilot, who several years ago described to me how such trauma and conflict suddenly hit him one day: “I just dissolved into a fit of cursing and anger.” 

 

To be clear: I’ve never been in a military war zone. And while I served for a time as a firefighter along with others who put their lives on the line, I’ve never witnessed someone being shot or bombed, nor have I shot or bombed anyone. But I have experienced senseless abuse and assaults on my character and the character of others. I’ve watched church member do it to church member. I’ve watched church members do it to pastors. And I’ve watched pastors do it to churches and church members. I’ve seen moral assaults - even “attempted murder” - upon the souls of others. It starts as a moral injury and, if not attended to, becomes a soul wound. When someone commits, fails to prevent, or witnesses an event or events that go against deeply held moral beliefs and expectations, a moral injury occurs. Such an injury affects your body and mind, and it certainly affects your spirituality. If it doesn’t heal, it becomes a soul wound.

 

Larry is a contemplative, like me. He has helped a lot of veterans with their soul wounds: “The ability of a person to be still and quiet and to receive love in that environment … that's what I talk about. Are you really alone when you're in solitude? And if not, who's there? If you want to get to know your soul, you really can't do it unless you're in solitude… There are simple things that can be done alone and in solitude to know your soul, to become a friend of your soul, to find a presence that's there that loves you. That presence is Jesus Christ. The one thing that's capable of touching the soul is love, and the love we are talking about is divine. There is no other medicine that is going to be able to heal the soul. This is what heals." (Larry Malone, from God's Love Heals the Soul, Military Chaplains Agree).

 

It was in quiet and darkness while sitting in a calm and peaceful parsonage when it dawned on me: “Sky, this thing you did - it wasn’t normal. It shouldn’t be expected much less predicted. It’s not ‘just the way it is.’ It was wrong. You can’t excuse it under ‘because that’s how so-and-so and such-and-such is.’ That’s bull$&@%.”

 

That’s when the cursing and anger fit started. I’d been assaulted and wouldn’t admit it. My soul had undergone attempted murder.

 

I’d had enough counseling, therapy, and spiritual direction in the past to know myself well, and I know that I tend to give grace to and make excuses for just about anyone who does just about anything - other than myself. 

 

I was proud of what I had done a few months before: I identified it and called it out when it became unacceptable. I allowed myself some humor in the midst of it, as such is better than anxiety, heartache, and pain. I knew things were not hopeless. At the same time, 1) I knew that there are people in this world who wanted to cause me (and others) harm and/or destroy ministry, 2) that proaction is preferable to reaction, and 3) that I needed to take the initiative. I am indebted to those in my past who taught and modeled strategies such as adopting support systems, personal coaches, knowledge of church law, and spiritual disciplines, for those are the things that helped me survive another day.

 

The work of what my friend Larry taught us is the work that I am doing now: be still, and know. Steven Curtis Chapman said (sang) it well:

 

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, oh, restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of Peace
Let the noise and clamor cease…

 

Difficult churches, pastors, and people are not going to go away. 

But our choices, our relationships, our boundaries? Those are things that we can control and should control. I will risk all for God, I will bear the cross for Jesus… but I ain’t doing that for YOU or any other human being - particularly when they give evidence that they are not trustworthy. That is when we adopt prudence in being wise as serpents and innocent as doves when dealing with the wolves, with hostility, and with undermining. I will always risk being loving and gracious, but I won’t take foolish risks in the midst of dishonor and willful undermining. 

 

Jesus knew when to play offense, and when to go “be still.” I pray even more, and especially, that I can be like Jesus.

Pax,

Sky+

Our Hearts, Our Mission, Our Treasure

In our church brochure that is available to folks on Sunday mornings, we highlight the Great Commission: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” That’s what our job is in our community, and we know that there are countless opportunities to do that as a church. Related to that is the Great Commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.”

When our Church Council had our pastoral onboarding, I got to hear how our church is doing those things in so many ways for our city. If our church ceased to exist, there would be a huge void left behind. Making disciples and loving our neighbors as ourselves shows in huge ways:

• Methodist Preparatory School. We provide a nurturing Christian environment to help educate young children, along with an after-school program for children K-5th grade. In the most formative years of a child’s life, we may be the first opportunity for a child to learn about the love and claim of God upon their life. What a witness, and what a mission!

• Bread of Life Food Pantry. For fifteen years we have helped people who are challenged by food insecurity – a problem which is becoming more challenging each day. This is not social work – it is Kingdom work and an extension of the Great Commandment and Commission. Jesus was clear to those of us who are blessed: when people are hungry you give them something to eat, when they are thirsty you give me something to drink, when they are strangers you invite them in. Again, what a witness, and what a mission!

• Operation Round Up/Samaritan Office. Most every day we work with residents who struggle to make ends meet and can’t pay their utility bills. Truth be told, all of us would be one-two paychecks from being in that situation. By the grace and generosity of others we help people – and help them from a church building - making no apology for doing it in Christ’s name.

We named it in our onboarding process: these things make up the DNA of Covington First UMC! We are always reaching out into our community and are a traditional yet flexible congregation. We are a generational and legacy church made up of long-term members and families yet welcoming and always making room for new folks too!

As the last few years have proven, we are a resilient but proven church – willing to be in the storm yet able to provide shelter for those who are hurting and meeting people where they are on their journey with God and life. I am happy to serve such a church. I hope you are happy to be members of it!

Sky+

Hyper Politicized, Hyper Calvinism, and Hyper Individualism

When people asked me, “If you weren’t Methodist, what would you be?” my usual answer was, “Ashamed!” After offending a few folks with that, I changed my answer to “Lonely.” It’s not quite as blunt.

However, in this hyper-politicized culture we live in now, when someone asks me why I’m not a Democrat or a Republican, I have no problem saying, “Because I am ashamed.” And I am. Folks that argue about false equivalencies miss the point: the lesser of two evils is still evil. I can’t reconcile or rationalize that. I’m glad that others are able to. To me, the extremes are destroying everyone between them. Conversations are becoming toxic, and as a result no one has them.

Many of my Southern Baptist friends wrestle with hyper Calvinism in their denomination and churches. I’d define it for you, but I would get attacked for my definition because there’s no agreement upon the definition - even among Calvinist and Reformed circles. Some use it as a label for “I don’t like you/your beliefs.” Others say it is emphasizing the doctrine of election above prayer for conversions, acts of evangelism, and preaching/witnessing. It’s another case of the extremes trying to destroy each other and everyone between them.

Which leads to hyper individualism. We don’t like to be told what to do (regardless of whether we’re progressive or conservative). The problems: If you’re a strict American conservative, you find yourself lodged between individual rights and personal responsibility, and the phrase “provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare.” If you’re a strict inclusivist arguing for tolerance, you have to allow for (i.e., tolerate) EVERYONE… *even* those you don’t agree with.

What do these all have in common? EXTREMES. And extremes can cause harm to everyone between them and the other extreme. The argument is often made, “The only thing in the middle of the road are dead animals.” My response to that is, “They’re dead because they got hit by someone on the left or on the right who didn’t get stopped in time… if they tried to stop at all.”

Jesus was clear in the Gospels: anyone or anything that does not take into account living for others, loving their neighbors, and acting on their behalf is immoral. The Great Commandment and Great Commission are non-negotiable. Taking up your cross and following Jesus isn’t conservative or progressive: it’s radical and scandalous. Jesus didn’t make friends of the institutions of the day – neither will today’s Christians. 

Proclaiming the crucified and risen Christ – as the Apostle Paul said – is offensive to those on BOTH sides. If you're gonna lean on a side, lean on the Lord's side.

Sky+

New Beginnings

When my father turned sixty, he told me, “Well, here goes my trip into my seventh decade.” I said, “Pop, you’re sixty, not seventy.” He said, “I’ve completed six decades. I’m STARTING my seventh. Correct?” I had to agree, though I thought it put a damper on his birthday. He found it humorous.

 

Now that I am traveling into my seventh decade, it’s given me time to reflect on who I am, what God created me to be, and what I am called to do in this season. The only way to arrive at any answer to these questions is to pray. Not just a one- or two-time prayer full of wants and desires and things that we want God to give us, but constant prayer.

Believing that the best definition of prayer is “communicating with God,” that means

listening a lot more than talking. We shouldn’t want to interrupt the Almighty. In the midst of listening to God, I have become very aware that my clock is running. In this season of my life, it seems to be that God wants me to finish well. While God is never done with us – even in our last breath – I know that my best years are fewer in number than ever before, and I want to be useful.

 

Sixty years, nearly forty of it in pastoral ministry, has taught me that listening is also a

tool for the work of the Church. As I have begun listening and asking the occasional

question or two, this much I know: Covington First UMC is a great church with great people, who loves its God and its community. I also know that the past ten or so years have been tough. Death, tragedy, sadness, and upheaval have been challenging to our psyches and our souls. As I listen to you and to God, my work here seems clear: to be a healer, a shepherd, and an encourager.

 

I read several of the late Eugene Peterson’s books when I graduated from seminary. In one of them, he repeated the words of John Calvin regarding the human heart: left to our own motives, we allow our hearts to produce idols, not faith… and that allows congregations to make pastors a “quality-control engineer” of their church.

 

That’s not me.

 

So, I want to take seriously the roles of being a healer, a shepherd, and an encourager.

My hope is that by getting to know you, living among you, and learning and listening more about Covington and its people I may do those things, and do them well! Feel free to contact me if you’d like to meet sometime, whether it be about church or faith matters, or simply to get to know me better. That will help me do my work better. You can call the church office to get my phone number so you can call or text me.

May the peace and love of Jesus Christ be with us all!

Sky+